Hey, it's O.K not to have a bride tribe!

A big thing I've noticed since entering into the wedding planning community is how much importance brides-to-be place on having a bride tribe. Having a group of women around you seems almost as important as the actual wedding itself and with the rise of bridesmaids proposals it seems like having that close knit bunch of ladies around you is essential when it comes to planning your wedding. But what if you don't have a bride tribe? What if a hen do doesn't interest you because you don't have a close bunch of friends? You may even decide you don't want bridesmaids. Well guess what? It's perfectly O.K. not to have a bride tribe!

why you don't need to have a bride tribe

I'm only having one bridesmaid at my wedding. I don't have any sisters and I made a conscious decision not to have any family as bridesmaids. Only having one bridesmaid will suit our wedding anyway with it only being small and relaxed. I also don't have loads super close female friends to class as my bride tribe and I'm totally O.K with that!

The bride tribe culture

I totally get why having a bride tribe is nice, if you've got that close group of friends, that's great. But it almost seems like a woman can't have a good wedding if she doesn't have that group of girls around her. Women are 'proposing' to their bridesmaids, running out to buy matching pj's for the morning of the wedding, planning nights in filling confetti cones with their girls and if that's not for you than it can be a little odd to see. I asked my bridesmaid over WhatsApp by the way, I think a nice simple gift could be nice but the whole proposal thing and buying all these gifts is something I'm going to tackle in another post. Guess what? Filling those confetti cones yourself and not having a bunch of girls sat around in matching pjs takes nothing away from your wedding. The idea that a bride tribe plays an important role in your day is nonsense. Of course they can if you want them to but they aren't essential. I think, like a lot of wedding related things these days, the rise of the bride tribe is just another expense, another social media creation and another added pressure on brides.

But what about a hen do?

I debated whether I should have a hen do for the longest time. Getting pissed in matching t-shirts and penis paraphernalia just isn't me. I also wouldn't expect anyone to pay hundreds of pounds for a few nights away either. It's personal preference as I know a lot of brides who have abroad hen do's or rent out hen houses in the U.K. but I just couldn't ask people to spend that amount of money on my hen do. If you don't want a hen do that's totally O.K. there are no wedding rules saying you have to have one. If you think you can't have one because you don't have a big group of friends though then you're wrong. If you and you're fiance have a lot of joint friends maybe look at having a joint hen and stag. Or look at doing something with family that's more to your taste. I'm looking at having a sparkling afternoon tea for family then a spa day with my mum. 

The reality

So the whole idea of a bride tribe may seem nice but I know lots of people who have had fallings out with their bridesmaids, who have felt like they're not putting enough effort in and suddenly that lovely social media perfect idea of a bride tribe is out of the window. Things don't always work out and things certainly don't always look as perfect as what they do on social media. We construct an idea of what we think should happen and are left bitterly disappointed when it doesn't. The reality is a bride tribe doesn't always work out and as long as you've got a supportive partner to help out that's all that matters.

Don't beat yourself up

When I first created a wedding Instagram, I felt overwhelmed and yes I'll admit at times even I look at what others are doing and a little bit of comparison creeps in but those moments are few and far between. I started my wedding planning journey worrying about not having a bride tribe but now I'm more than happy with it. I created a wedding Instagram 8 months ago and it's the best decision I ever made. There's women I talk to all the time, ones that dip in and out, ones that send me things they think I'd like for my wedding, there's girls that cheer on my choices, offer opinions and advice, pick me up, make me laugh, support my blog posts. And I do the same for them. I've never met any of them but they've all played a part in my wedding planning journey and that's amazing. I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything by not having a bride tribe.

If you've stumbled across this post then I can't recommend setting out a wedding account enough. I also hope its made you feel better about not having a bride tribe. Your wedding will be amazing whether you have a bunch of girls around you or not. I've come to realise that even though I may not have a bride tribe in real life, I certainly have a Thrifty Bride Tribe online. 

How do you feel about bride tribes? Do you have one? Let me know in the comments.

If you're a budget bride in a panic, why not join my Thrifty Bride Tribe on Facebook? I'm creating a community of budget brides who help and support each other so if you want a warm and welcoming place to be a part of, come and join us!

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